Authoritarian Ruler-elect

Just me having a little fun a few months ago with Acid Pro, a shitty 5 string acoustic (and a drum machine on the last song) and too much time on my hands late at night when I got home from work. LOL

All music/lyrics by me.

Including songs such as:

Syphilis in G major
Hermaphrodite in A Minor
Sodomize in the Key of D sharp
OK Betty, R.I.P.

Enjoy!

http://www.purevolume.com/Incyndiary

Postscript: On the page you'll also find lyrics to all the songs except for OK Betty R.I.P. because I've just been too lazy to put them up.

So, for a quick run down the song is about Betty who gets shot in the face because she didn't accept someones love. The End.

S.

Quick question:

Why is it that anybody who gets on the bad side of the Mafia and Drug Cartels continuously get blown up by car bombs? I don’t get it, don’t these people know that, "that’s" the oldest trick in the book besides getting a .22 caliber bullet shot into their craniums?

If it were me I’d never get near a car or anything with an ignition and wheels ever again, I’d be leery of fucking roller skates, let alone a vehicle. I’d ride a horse to work before I got into a car, and if I lived in a place like NYC I would simply walk before I got into a automobile. If I got killed due to a car bomb it would be because they threw a fucking hot wheels at me with some C4 in it OK?

So all I am saying is if anybody reading this is in trouble with those I am talking about (or think someday they will be), stay out of your goddamn car alright? If you think you forgot something in your vehicle that is important to you, then send the fucking neighborhood asshole after it, tell’em you’ll give them ten bucks or something.

Just don’t go near the car!!! … The car is bad.

That brings me to the CIA. I am not sure about anybody else, but aren’t you tired of those redundant CIA jokes, every time someone talks about them?

You know what I am talking about, someone on television or the radio makes an off comment about the CIA, critizing the agency for one thing or the other and it’s inevitable at some point for them to say something to the effect of “Hey, that’s just my opinion so don’t kill me now” (insert chuckle here) or “I can see the black helicopters now”. (insert chuckle here) “I hope I make it home ok tonight” (insert chuckle here).

Here is some advice folks, if you think by any strange chance that whatever you are going to say could piss of the CIA bad enough to were they’ll want to kill you, then keep your fucking mouth shut. If you had the nuts to say it in the first place don’t back out now! Stick to your guns and if you truly feel you stepped over the line, remember what I said:

Just don’t go near the car!!! … The car is bad, OK?

That reminds me, today I learned that over 400 people a year are killed by locomotives and that figure is just really insane to me. Mainly because a lot of the deaths are due to people trying to out run the trains at the railroad crossings, and instead of making it to the other side they get decimated.

I can’t help those people now because well, they’re dead … but I think I can help others avoid such a fate, I’ll try my best.

Here it goes:

IT’S A TRAIN!!! IT’S A FUCKING TRAIN!!! It weighs 10,000 tons compared to your 4,000 lbs automobile!!! Why? Because IT’S A TRAIN!!! It will crush your vehicle like a soda can!!! Not even a name brand soda like Mountain Dew, your not even Jolt Cola, you’re less than Jolt, your diet fucking Shasta!!!

Why?

Because IT’S A TRAIN!!!

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This is my response to the question above in the subject line that I posted over at a discussion forum.
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I'm not a theologian, or historian of Christianity, however I was once a Roman Catholic and during that dark period of my life (which were for the first 16 years) I pondered frequently about this very question mostly while in public religion school doing the biblical crossword puzzles, circling groups of letters that spelled a mild profanity or as close as I could get.

Anyways ...

During these very meditative exercises I stumbled upon the answer to this great dilemma, and told everyone that would lend their ear to me for about 20 minutes. I remember one crisp November morning I brought it up to the Archbishop of the Dioceses (William B. Friend) in Shreveport, Louisiana.

I explained it to him in great detail and the entire time he sat very quietly, hardly moving a muscle even when that pesky fruit fly kept flying around his left eye landing on his forehead occasionally. After I had finished telling him my incredible epiphany he stood very quickly, with sweat on his brow.

He asked me to not speak of it again until he had a chance to hold a meeting with "some people".

His tone was one of seriousness and astonishment, so I was confident that I had gotten through to him and before long I would be the most popular 12 year old in the Catholic Church all over the world. I'd even get to meet the Pope and we'd have deep philosophical conversations.

Later on that evening when I returned home from school my parents asked me to be seated in the living room area.

When I entered there was the Bishop, and also the Monsignor "Monsignor Lacasse" was his name to be exact, sitting there with the violet trim on his cassock and biretta, signifying his honorary status with a smug look on his face.

The Monsignor and myself never got along ever since the incident when he was baptizing me when I was an infant, I puked breast milk all over him, and a peed a little too. And from that day forward the man has been out to get me I tell you!

So, there we were...me, my parents, the Archbishop and Monsignor Lacasse.

I looked around and said "What's going on here?"

My father told me that the Archbishop had told him and my mother some very disturbing news, about something that I had said to him in his office. I said "Disturbing? Why would it be disturbing? I thought it was one of the fundamental questions in all of Catholicism, and now that I have discovered the answer in a moment of pure and total clarity, a clarity that was bestowed upon me by the lord our mighty God himself, you (pointing at the Archbishop) have come to the conclusion that what I've said is disturbing? ... BLASPHEMY! I tell you, sheer blasphemy! And you call yourselves servants of God? Distinguished men of the cloth?! Blasphemy!!!"

My father shoots up from the sofa, and places his hands tightly over my mouth while apologizing profusely to the Archbishop and the Monsignor who are by this time wide-eyed and slack jawed by my sudden outburst.

As if coming out of a trance they blink and rise to their feet looking rather flustered, and walk out of the house without saying a single word.

I was sent to my room for the remainder of the evening, a few hours later I dosed off while reading "Absalom, Absalom!".

I woke the next morning to the sound of the telephone, I could hear my mother say "Hello?" a long pause and then a shrill of terror echoed through the house. I jumped out of bed and down the hall way to find my mother collapsed on the kitchen floor sobbing uncontrollably. I asked "Mom, mom...what's the matter???" and the only broken words she could get out was "You.... (sob...sobsob) ex ... (sob...sobsob...sob) comm ...un (sob...sobsob)...i ...ca (sob...sobsob)...TION! (sobbing...sob)" and I said "Excommunion??? You mean I don't have to take communion anymore?! Yeeeeah! Those wafers tasted horrible! Thank you God! And Jesus too! I guess the Archbishop and the Monsignor finally came to their senses and they aren't mad at me after all, wow!"

About that time my father walked through the door, and ran over to my mother who was still doubled over and she said "EXCOMMUNICATION!!!" while pointing at me.

I looked at my dad and said "No more wafers! I'll talk with the Archbishop to see if he can get you and mom out of it too!"

He looked at me and said "No! Not Excommunion! EXCOMMUNICATION!!!" Spiritual condemnation! banishment, shunning, and SHAME!!!"

So, I ran away from home and they've never seen or heard from me again ... and that's been 18 years ago.

The End.

The point being:

The resurrection of Jesus was made up, just like this story.

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I wrote this in the perspective of a woman who's husband is an alcoholic. Why? I'm not really sure, it's just one of those moments when an inspiration hits me and I can't explain it.
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Between Then and Now by Steve

It's 10am and I know where you've been, you're smiling but nobody is laughing at the condition that you're in.

It's all the same everyday, you're the one that I still love when you drive away.

When you come back to this house, you've changed and turned into something else.

Is this the best that you can do?

Is there something missing inside of you?

I'm running in circles trying to get things straight, but you won't even walk that mile in my shoes to meet me half way.

I really can't tell you how things became so complicated, but if it's not love keeping us together then it's love that's keeping us separated.

We've been on this long hard road since we took those vows, what's come over us between then and now?

Was it me that drove you to this point in your life? I'm so sorry if I haven't been the perfect wife.

Maybe this is the best I can do, the only thing missing inside me are the memories of the good times with you.

I really can't tell you how things became so complicated, but if it's not love keeping us together then it's love that's keeping us separated.

The lights go out and you're laying next to me, but it's not the you that I once knew but he's still there in my dreams. It's not too late to turn this around, but we've got to find some common ground. The later we wait the more it's driving us apart, but I'm not ready to throw away the pieces of my broken heart. But sooner or later enough will be enough, of all the hidden bottles you chose over this woman you swore that you loved.

I really can't tell you how things became so complicated, but if it's not love keeping us together then it's love that's keeping us separated.

If it's not love keeping us together then it's love that's keeping us separated.

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There is a neighborhood in Melbourne Florida where some of the residents basically camp outside another's home every Saturday night in protest to the Swingers Party that they host there in the privacy of their own home. These so called "community activist" sit out with spot lights writing down every license plate number of the cars that comes down the street that's going to the party.

It's interesting how one older lady Lenore Kipiney says that ("we don't know what it will bring in ... and we've already seen things that have happen, just sitting out here we've had people get out of their car's and come running at us and yelling things, you know?")

I don't know, maybe it is just me but I wonder if it has occurred to Lenore and the rest of them that perhaps if they didn't sit outside in their lawn chairs with a 50,000 watt spot light and a legal note pad shining it at people that perhaps these folks wouldn't get out of their cars and scream at them?

What's the fucking problem here?

Oh, maybe that IS the problem ... "fucking".

90% of these community activist as you can tell are older people, so is it the cars going up and down their street really the problem? Or is it the fact that these cars are filled with people who are going to go have sex in a house on their block with each other?

No ... no ... I know ... They are just jealous that they don't get invited to the party.

Maybe they want to feel included on all the festivities ... and I think they should be. In fact I'd give them a senior citizens discount ... I'd give them their own private room for their comfort and for the comfort of the others attending.

And in this room I would have a fully stocked bar, and a large box with a even larger sign that reads "Help Inside".

Inside this large box with the even larger sign would be enough Viagra to get an elephant and six American Saddlebred horses up and at'em.

12 box's of Trojan microsheer polyurethane condoms, 3 gallons of Sliquid H20 lubricant with a pump handle, and 2 party hats ... why 2 party hats instead of 108?

Because I'm a funny guy.

Geezers.

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Well hello there,

I am one of the millions of Bluetooth headset users that live within the continental United States of America.

Yes, I am one of those Bluetooth using assholes that will sit behind and you in a movie theater and talk through the entire film to my best friend's mother since my best friend wasn't actually home, because unlike me and most other Bluetooth users my friend actually has a life that doesn't evolve around 2.4 GHz radio frequency's and she doesn't want to constantly look like a celebrity personal assistant on 24 hour duty.

I enjoy the sound of my own voice .. sometimes the way I say "Hello?" makes my nipples hard. And honestly I think the people who sit behind me LOVE having their attention drawn away from the movie they paid $8.50 to watch by the nifty blue (hence Bluetooth) LED light that continuously flashes during the course of my conversation.

It's so mesmerizing in a darkened theater isn't it?

And maybe this is too much information ... but, when my boyfriend got one recently too I got so wet when he whispered into my ear: "Hey baby, wanna check out my new unique 48-bit device address on my personal area network?".

I get fucking soaked just thinking about it!

Something just turns me on about a device that is one of the computer industry’s biggest security bloopers ever, it''s just so...dangerous.

It really is, just yesterday at the movie theater this 6'3 275lbs tattooed fellow approached me and said: "Excuse me, may I borrow your Bluetooth for only a second?" and noticing a disturbing gleam in his eyes I didn't hesitate to hand it over.

He placed my Bluetooth onto the ground and proceeded to stomp on it repeatedly for several minutes with his size 15 steel toe boots.

Afterwards, he scooped up all the pieces (well the bigger pieces, which were only the size of a grain of rice now that I think about it) and placed them in my shirt pocket, along with a $50 dollar bill and said: "You have a pleasant afternoon" and he just walked away.

*pout*

I'm sooo glad I kept my old one for just such an occasion, but tomorrow I am getting up bright and early to buy myself a brand new one just in time for the matinée! ::: gun shot heard in the background :::

::: takes $50 dollars back :::

No ... you won't.

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This is the kind of bullshit that infuriates me ... this fucking asshole beat that poor baby to death practically in the middle of the road, and nobody could stop it?

"They tried to intervene and get involved, but their efforts really didn't have an effect. The suspect was engaged in what he was doing. He just pushed them off and went back to it."

OK ... fuck you.

The elderly couple I can understand ... but what about the other two or three vehicles that stopped? I'm more than positive that it wasn't all elderly people.

So what did these other folks try and do? Did they go up to the guy and try to grab him, and he just shoved them away? What? ... OK, so did anyone consider using a gun?

Alright, maybe nobody there had a gun ... fine, yet in their car's or truck's or whatever there is a 100% chance there was a tire iron in someones trunk.

There wouldn't have been any "being pushed off" if one of those bystanders would have connected that tool to his fucking face, the back of his head or chest.

My whole point is, is even a gun or a tire iron and no weapon of any sort would have been needed if those who stopped would had been committed enough to get that motherfucker off that baby.

Why don't people want to get involved anymore? And when they do, their attempts are half-assed and they do it so they can try to have a clear conscience.

They went up to that man and probably said "Hey, stop doing that ... quit that!" and proceed to place their hands on the guys shoulder, and when he pushed them away they just GAVE UP!

They gave up on their 1 year old little child because they got "pushed off". And now the child will have to be identified through a blood or DNA test.

My god ... what the fuck has happened to us?

I give a huge "Thank you" to the Turlock Police officer(s) who did the right thing by putting a deserving bullet in that son of a bitch.

My heart mourns for that child, and for the continuing deterioration of humanity.

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Our grip on politics are strange, over the past 40 years it doesn't matter to the general public who the best candidate is for the presidency of the United States.

All that went out shorty after frame 312 of the Zapruder film.

People made more of a production about a grown man getting a blow job from his 22 year old intern, than they did over the Iran-Contra Affair.

Now it's about what a Senators former pastor said, and that another Senator was in the White House while their husband was getting blow jobs from his 22 year old intern.

Exactly what does any of that have to do with their qualifications of becoming the next President of the United States again?

Since 2003 there has been more conversations about how the current administration got us into Iraq, than anything else it has done.

I never was a Clinton fan but I never had a problem acknowledging accomplishments during his presidency.

Believe it or not the current administration has made more Americans become active in our Democracy than we have seen since about 1960's.

I don't think that such extreme vilification is part of the best tradition of American politics.

For those who cannot bring themselves to admit the Bush Administration has done some good on certain things, then if nothing else give him credit by not getting maliciously prosecuted for a blow job.

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Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?: Yes...and it did taste like chicken.

What was the greatest age difference between you and someone you dated?: 17 years...I was 20, she was 37.

Ever been in a car wreck?: No, been saving that for a rainy day.

Were you popular in high school?: I was a ghost...well, as much as a ghost a 6'3 250lbs person can be.

Have you ever been on a blind date?: I dated a blind chick once, I wanted to tell her I looked like Gérard Depardieu to freak her out, but she's never seen him. j/k never dated a blind woman.

Are looks important?: Sure, that\'s why I always wore a black tie and straitjacket on first dates.

Do you have any friends that you've known for 10 years?: Yes, but they are all dead...wait, one is still alive but someday they\'ll die too.

By what age would you like to be married?: Too late, already am. If I wasn\'t, I\'d say 12...hell yes a pre-nup! I was big pimpin\' with the Ninja Turtles hoe!

Does the number of people a person has had sex with affect the way you think of them?: Only is they are a prostitute.

Have you ever made a mistake?: I'm making one right now taking this quiz.

Are you a good tipper?: Depends on the service.

What is the most amount of money you've spent on a haircut?: A bucket of chicken at Old Brown Farmers chicken cluck-cluck cuisine...drive-in.

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?: Miss Ellerbe 8th grade science teacher. I use to call her Miss \"Bacon\" cause she sizzled. She thought I was calling her fat even though she couldn't have been more than 115lbs.

Have you ever peed in public?: Funny you should mention that. I am at a Internet Cafe at this moment relieving myself in a bedpan I designed to look like a seat cushion. I call it the Surf&Squirt.

What song do you want played at your funeral?: Several "Home" by Foo Fighters "Muzzle" by Smashing Pumpkins and a few others.

Would you tell your parents if you were gay?: If I were gay I don\'t think I\'d have to say a word. I think they\'d get the hint if they walked in on me in burlesque style lingerie dancing to a mix CD of Culture Club and Wham!

What would your last meal be before getting executed?: Count Chocula with special marshmallows...special as in crack rocks.

Beatles or Stones?: The Beatles

If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who?: General Zod's brother Ricky Zod

Beer, wine or hard liquor?: Beer? Nah...Wine? Not much...Hard Liquor? Yes...yes I am.

Do you have any phobias?: Phobia as in I hate spooky big fucking spiders? Yes.

What are your plans for the future?: Living.

Do you walk around the house naked?: No, I will walk INSIDE my house naked. If I walked "around" it naked the neighbors would complain, then the cops would come and the Miranda rights and etc...

If you were an animal what would you be?: If? ...

Hair color you like on someone you are dating?: Translucent

Would you rather be blind or deaf?: Dyslexic

Do you have any special talents?: Maybe...

What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?: Greet my wife.

Do you like horror or comedy?: Both

Are you missing anyone?: Bob Dylan stood me up, I'm still waiting Bobby!

If you weren't straight, who of the same sex would you do?: Stephen Hawking, because I like the path of least resistance.

Where do you want to live when you are old?: Preferably in a box made of pine 79 1/2\" x 24 1/2\" x 14

Who is the person you can count on the most?: My wife

If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?: Connie Nielsen

What did you dream last night?: I dreamt I wasn't dreaming and I remember it in great detail.

What is your favorite sport to watch?: Midget Mud wrestling

Are you named after anyone?: The sous-chef "Num Lung-HoeChee" on 29th and Broadway.

What is your favorite alcoholic drink?: Absinthe

Non alcoholic drink?: Iced Tea (unsweet) 3 ice cubes.

Have you ever been in love?: I am.

Do you sing in the shower?: Yes, but only Wham! songs.

Have you ever been arrested?: Not yet.

What is your favorite Holiday?: Halloween

Would you ever get plastic surgery?: Would plastic give me a blow job?

Have you ever caught a fish?: Many aquatic vertebrates have met their doom by my hand.

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I've been watching for the past several years on the news about the entire illegal immigrant situation here in the United States of America. It's been dozens upon dozens of these politicians, activist, analyst, and a assorted bunch of other assholes trying to figure this thing out.

To me, there is a fairly simple solution to this equation.

Hire illegal immigrants ... and pay them in peso's.

End of story.

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